Lighting a cigarette I sip my hot chocolate as I stare at the blank screen in front of me, for like maybe 5 minutes, just staring and wondering, on how the heck do I start this damn blog of mine.
Well I Guess I could always start by introducing myself;
Hello, my name is Ky.. ah thats boring, never mind.
Give me a second Im going to google how your supposed to start a new blog.
(3 and a half minutes later)
Well that was bullshit, thanks Google for failing me for the first time, all your steps were poop, poop I say!
Fuck it, Im going to wing this mother fucker me style.
So I forgot to take the meat out to defrost for supper today, and if you're an idiot like me then you feel me on how terrible of a tragedy this is, and how royally fucked I am now.
See, the thing is I have three kids and a man to feed in about 2 hours, and they must be fed, or there will be blood, oh yes, there will be blood. As a stay at home mom it is my fucking duty to make sure they are fed, a duty I have failed at. If this were ancient times I would perform hara-kiri for my dishonour upon the family, but then my kids don't know how to clean up messes properly and the stain would ruin the floors and we wouldn't get the damage deposit back and that's like 300 bucks we could so use right now.
Anyways, I took the lump of beef meat out of the freezer and looked at it in disgust, I was going to make hamburgers but I cant now, because Martha Stewart says that in making hamburgers, ya need the shit to be fully defrosted to make a god damn decent burger,and I will not go against Martha Stewarts instructions, for she is my lord, amen.
After mentally scolding the block of frozen meat I decided to put it in the sink and run warm water on it, in hopes that maybe magically the beef will feel the warm tender caresses of the water lapping across its cold hard form, causing it to become fully defrosted with arousal and bust trough the cellophane wrap screaming "MAKE ME INTO WHAT THY REQUEST OH SWEET LADY!! MY BODY IS READY!"
Unfortunately this is real life and no such thing happened, it just turned slightly grey in colour but still frozen as fuck. At this point I was making myself hot chocolate, yes the one Im sipping, so the genius that I am decided to use the rest of the boiled water on the 99% frozen beef, I slowly poured it over the meet and yelled "DEFROST MOTHER FUCKER!"
Long story short, it didn't work, I have a pack of frozen meet in the fridge for tomorrows dinner and Im making noodles instead.
The moral of this story is : house wives are bored as fuck and make up stupid stories in their head about their simple daily duties so they don't go insane.
Though I realize now that in this real life tale of woe, you did get to know me a wee bit , so I guess that story wasn't a total loss, and if you think it was then boo hoo I don't care go suck a butt.
I reached my own personal yet mundane goal and finally started my blog, a blog that Im sure...not positive, but sure will get more interesting and easier to write as the weeks pass.
My my my, I wonder what I'll write about next time? Maybe my battle with the leaky dishwasher? or the never ending war with the broken boom? or should I dare tell the terrifying tale of how my daughter has reached puberty and is reeking havoc upon us all? oh the stories I could tell. next time ..next time my darlings.
toodles
